Hello, new here.

Firstly, I just want to thank the creator of this forum for making this. I've been searching off and on for years now for REAL antisexuals, finally I feel like I am not alone with my thoughts/feelings and I feel like I have a place where I can express these feelings openly.

I've tried forcing myself into liking sex, I tried tricking myself into believing that sex isn't bad/not disgusting and basically living a lie as a way for me to cope with & try to fit into this sick, sex obsessed society. I've been telling myself for all these years that it is me who has a problem.

I've been in a relationship (sex included) for a long time now, since I was 16 years old and I am 25 now. Now that I finally feel comfortable with myself and my true feelings, I have ended the sexual part of my relationship with my boyfriend.


I feel like the reason I was able to come to terms with my true feelings is because I became vegan 11 months ago... I'm not here to preach veganism but I just want to explain how it relates to my antisexuality.

We grow up in a society where eating animal products is the norm. It's just the way it is & there is supposedly nothing wrong with it. As a child I found animal products to be disgusting (meat, eggs, dairy) and I didn't like the fact that animals were killed for our food. I would refuse animal foods as a small child but as I got older, I forced myself to eat it/like it because I was made to believe that we needed to eat these foods in order to be healthy.

But once I learned about veganism, I learned how this is just not true. We can live perfectly happy, healthy lives without animal foods & I learned about how unhealthy animal foods are for humans. So basically, everything I was taught about animal foods turned out to be completely false. Animal agriculture is horrible for animals, for the planet and for people as well.

And once I went vegan, I couldn't believe that I had been so decieved and I realized how disgusting animal products actually are. If you really think about what we are putting into our mouths.... Sorry I'm not trying to offend anyone here talking about this.

What I am saying is, animal products are basically forced upon us since we are children & we are made to believe that it's the right way to live, that we NEED animal foods and it's healthy for us.

I feel like sex is treated the same way. It's pushed upon us as children (I'm not saying that we are pushed into having sex as kids but the idea that sex is good, healthy, normal is pushed on us) and that there is no other way to live as a happy, healthy, adult. Even though people know about STD's/STI's, unwanted pregnancies, rapes, molestation, even people being murdered out of jealousy/ revenge etc. - so many horrible things associated with sex. The concequences are pretty much minimized, dismissed, sweapt under the rug & anyone who rejects sex, has a problem with it, doesn't glorify sex etc. is seen as a freak! They are seen as either having mental problem, medical problem or as sexually opressed.

I feel that sex is horrible, gross, disgusting. I hate sex. I hate society for shoving sex in my face constantly. I read somewhere in this forum, someone said that it would be better if antisexuals were segregated from sexuals and I completely agree. I feel so uncomfortable and angry that I have to live in such a sex obsessed world and I'm so upset that I've come to terms with myself so late in my life & the damage has already been done.

Anyway at least this forum exists.

Hello!

And a fellow vegan at that!

It's interesting what can lead a person to becoming more independent-minded. Once you see how the conventional way things are done is messed up in one area, perhaps it's easier to start seeing the problems with the way things are done in other areas as well. Find enough problems in enough areas, and sooner or later all bets are off, and you just have to live according to your own conscience.

It's probably cold comfort when you've felt compelled to do things you hadn't wanted to do, however, it's a good sign that you still know what your conscience is telling you to do, and it's just ("just") a matter of choosing to do it. Even knowing what you want is a huge achievement, when what you want is so different from what our society says you're supposed to want.

Welcome, and thank you!

You aren't alone in how you feel! I'm very sorry to hear that you've been through all of that, and have forced yourself into sex that you didn't want in order to fit in, but I'm glad that you've been able to break free from it! To bring that up with your boyfriend must have been very difficult. How were you able to bring it up? It can be so difficult to bring up when there's no recognition, and nearly no information.

One of the narratives we can all relate to is opposing the ideas about sex that society tries to shove onto us, in favor of following our conscience. We came to the conclusions about sex not being worth it, and oppose society's views about it at different points in our lives. I know that I was lucky to be able to do this early on since I could easily see through how ridiculous and harmful society's ideas about sex are. Because of how pervasive those ideas of sex being good and healthy for everyone (while the negatives are downplayed) that someone is wrong for not wanting it are, it can take a lot of time to unlearn that, and be able to realize for oneself what they really want. I can't fault you, or anyone else who pushed themselves into sex just to fit in, and I understand the feeling of disgust and regret over putting up with it for so long.

I created this site as a way of further reaching out to other people who don't want sex, other antisexual people, some of whom may have been, or are still in your past situation. It's great that you feel free to share your experiences, and don't feel alone anymore.

.

Thanks so much for the warm welcome.

The way that I ended my sexual relationship with my boyfriend was... Well one day I saw an absolutely disgusting video on social media. I thought it was going to be a funny video but I was very wrong. It was so ughh I cannot even describe! And I was even MORE disgusted with the comments, everyone thought the video was funny.

I felt sick and traumatized. I don't want to say what the video was because I don't want to disgust anyone here but it did involve a little boy, he was maybe 4 or 5 years old. I cried after seeing it and I decided at that moment that this was ENOUGH!

I decided that I wwould not be apart of this sick society any more and I won't pretend anymore for anyone. I was silent all day long.

My boyfriend and I went to the beach and I wouldn't say a word. I didn't want to swim. I just wanted to sit alone because I was so disturbed by what I saw. It was like the light bulb that went off in my head, when I truly realized that it's not ME with the problem - it's really the rest of the sexual, perverted world that has the problem.

My boyfriend knew something was very wrong with me. He kept asking me what was the matter but I wouldn't say. I couldn't even begin to describe the video without wanting to cry, scream, vomit. I was very shaken up and angry about it.

Later on, I mentioned to him that I saw something disgusting on social media and that it really made me hate the world- I wouldn't say what it was about but it opened the door for me to explain to him that I would never be having sex with him or with anyone ever again.

I told him that I have to be honest with him & I told him that I thought it would be best if we broke up because I am antisexual and that I am never having sex again, I just can't.

My boyfriend is a very understanding person. He told me that he doesn't want to break up with me and if I feel that way, then he is going to be antisexual too.

I know that he's really not antisexual. He just loves me and he doesn't want to let me go, he probably thinks that I will come around someday - but I won't.

I think he is a great and wonderful person and I do love him but it's not the same kind of love that he has for me. Soon I will end our relationship because I am aromantic as well. I just want to be an individual.

Right now we live together and I have no place to go for the time being. I'm working on getting my own place and all that. So for now, I'm here with him and we don't have sex any more so I'm ok with everything for now.

I have told him that I do want to be single and that I don't believe in relationships and all of that as well - so I don't feel like I am fooling him or tricking him. He knows how I feel. I just don't think that he actually believes it.

At the same time, we do have a special bond and I hope that we remain close friends in the end. It's not anything against him at all. I just have to live my life by what I feel is right for me. I don't feel the need to pretend anymore.

I'm much happier now that I live a sexfree life and I am so happy to be here. This site has helped me so much, just reading everyone's posts makes me feel soo much better. There are actually normal people in the world! Yayyy! c:

I also want to say that the little boy wasn't rapes or anything like that. The women in the video were just doing something inappropriate infront of him and he ended up doing something in a sexual way towards them. And I guess that was the "funny" part. Which is bad enough but I don't want to make it seem like the boy was raped or anything like that. Sorry.

That's awful you saw that video, and that the comments to it were even more disgusting that it traumatized you. The only good thing to come from it was that making you realize that you don't have a problem for not wanting sex. It's great that you were able to talk to your boyfriend about that, explain that you're antisexual, and that he is so understanding and accepting, or I hope that he is. It can be hard for some people to understand that it's not a phase, but it's good if he's willing to learn.

I understand wanting to break up, because yours and his ideas of love and relationships aren't compatible, for both of your sake. Did you get into dating because of the pressure to find romantic relationships, that going without them also didn't seem like an option? I hope that you and him will remain close friends, and I'm glad that you feel free! Congratulations on working towards getting your own place too!

.

Hey, sorry it took me so long to respond back.

Admin - The reason that I got into a relationship with my bf was because I was a teenager at the time. I didn't know about antisexuality or asexuality at the time. I realized that my friends were all obsessed with guys and with sex. I didn't know if I was the strange one, if my friends were just hyping it up/trying to seem cool or if they were just gross lol. But it seemed like I was the odd one, I wanted to fit in &I thought I was a late boomer?

I had a hard life at home, my step father was abusive to me. My bf and I met, we were just friends at firsy. He seemes to really feel for me & troubles. He even told me that he wanted to get an apartment to take me away from my horrible situation. He was so kind to me but I assumed he was joking/trying to be sweet.

He had a girlfriend at the time, things weren't going well with her. He ended up breaking up with her because she was cheating on him & I guess he fell in love with me. He asked me to be his girlfriend. Its kind of a long story but I figured, if it's normal to have a boyfriend he would make a good one because he understands me and my problems.

I really didn't realize it was going to be so serious. Also I didn't want to lose his friendship.

The thing was, with my abusive step father, many times he would beat me up and throw me out of the house. He treated everyone horribly but he had a special hatred for me for some reason. I've tried to figure out why for my entire life, I don't know the reason. My sister told me that it's only because I was an easy target. Anyways...

Many people didn't belive me when I told them how bad my step dad treated me and told me if I all these horribke things were really happening, I would've called the police. They accused me of either lying or saying that I probably give him reasons for treating me so bad.

I explained that I did try in the past to seek help from police, school counselors and other adults but no-one helped me, they only made things worse. The problem was, I was the only person in the family who would speak up, everyone else would tell authorities that I was a liar, a troubled kid, attention seeker, only exaggerating etc.I had no witnesses on my side.

I guess another reason wbg people didn't believe me was because my parents put on a good show infront of strangers or with company (usually) and we lived in a small town, middle to upper class, where the crime rate was slim to none.

My boyfriend was the only person who believed me and really cared for me. It was a relief to find someone that I could confide in and seemed so sincere.

One day I asked my mom if my friends and my new boyfriend could come over. She said yes. One of my friends was a teen mom, she brought her baby over as well.

Once my friends arrived, my mom was drunk. She wanted to see the baby so she went to grab the baby out of the car seat and she stumbled. She would have fell on the baby if I hadn't grabbed her arms and pulled her away in the other direction. My mom ended up falling on my bed but she flipped out on me.

She started screaming at me, calling for her husband, saying that I pushed her/hit her. Well my step dad ended up hitting me and literally threw me out of the house by my hair.

The story is pretty horrible, I'm sorry.

Well I didn't want to go on the streets again and now that my friends were there to witness the truth, I decided to call the police. I ran to my neighbors house in tears and called the police there. They came but they did not help me.

The police asked my friends if I could stay at one of their houses for a few days to let things cool off. My boyfriend said I could stay with him.

I didn't want to go. I wanted my step father to be arrested and for me to stay. Everyone said it was best for me to leave, so I did go with my boyfriend to his house.

I was so upset, just crying the whole time and so embarrassed. Just writing this out hurts me so much. I thought I would just be staying at my boyfriends house for the weekend and that I would return back home afterwards so I could go to school on Monday. (My boyfriend lived in the city with his mom.)

I was very wrong. My boyfriend's mother and my mom talked on the phone without my knowing. My BF's mother came to tell me about it afterwards and she told me that my mom basically gave me away to her & that I would be living there from now on. It really ruined my life.

It caused soo many problems for me. I couldn't go back to school. I had to get a GED and start working. But I couldn't handle it. I had PTSD, anxiety and depression. The rest of my BF's family hated me because they said I would be ruining his life as well.

My boyfriend stood by me and cared for me so much! He helped me through it all and turned his back on his own family for treating me so badly.

He was like the family that I never had. And I've been with him ever sense. We've been through SO much together - like alot. Me getting kicked out and given away by my parents was only the beginning.

He's been so good to me the whole time it's really unbelievable to me. And this is why it's been so hard for me to leave him and to admit to him that I am antisexual. I feel so guilty but it's the truth. I cannot help that I am antisexual you know? I feel like I wasted his time & he sacrificed so much for me. If love, romantic love, is actually a real thing - my bf feels this way for me. It's so sad that he had to fall for me. I feel completely guilty over the whole thing.

That's okay, and welcome back!

I'm so sorry to hear that you've been abused by your stepfather, and that so many people didn't believe you. I understand it'd be so difficult to bring all of that up.

It's so disgusting that many people will stand up for the abusers, defending yours, and blaming you. What happened wasn't your fault, and what nerve of those people to say that you were lying! I assume your mother was an enabler to your stepfather, so if she is, then she's just as guilty for knowing of abuse but willfully turning the other way.

And it's awful that you saved that baby's life, and your mother retaliated with violence, and that your boyfriend's family is also awful. I think he did the right thing siding with you in this hard time in your life. I understand feeling guilty over being antisexual, but pushing yourself into sex you don't want just to make him happy will hurt you both. Your relationship with him is much greater than that.

If you want to talk about it more, in a less open board, you can start a thread in "Sometimes You Just Want to Vent" sub-board, which is only visible to registered members.

Purelife - The video was meant to be funny. They were making a dubsmash video which is this trending thing I guess, where people lip synch/act out popular/funny movie scenes, TV shows, songs etc. It was on my instagram feed, I didn't really know what it was at the time.

The way the video looks was, the child wasn't supposed to be apart of the video at all, just the two women. One of the women was dancing in the video and the child went up to her and did something "sexual" towards here & the women decided to upload it anyways because they thought it was funny (not disturbing

Purelife - Also I wanted to say that I agree with you about the Hollywood thing but my comment got cut off I think. The boy from Two and a Half Men is now 20 (I think) and he hates that show, hates that he was apart of that show and is now a Christian. I feel so bad for him, what kind of parents would allow their son to be on a show like that? Really!

Admin - Thank you so much you are such a kindhearted person. I know it's better for us both that I live my truth. Only time will tell if everything works out for us as friends.