Withholding Sex as Punishment

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Withholding Sex as Punishment

Post by SCH0206 on Tue Mar 13, 2018 11:21 pm

What is your opinion about when some partners withhold sex in committed relationships as punishment? Some "experts" see this as a sign of abuse. Of course, most people (rightly) agree that coerced sex, even in committed relationships, is abuse. But what about when someone threatens to not have sex with their partner if they don't do what they want? I'm not sure what to think except that it seems silly to me because I'm antisexual to begin with.

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Re: Withholding Sex as Punishment

Post by x Nacht Klaue x on Wed Mar 14, 2018 8:27 am

Well I see it like this. Example, "Lindas" "love" is not for free. If "David" is going to take her "love" for him, he must pay her by giving his body to her by 50% or 100%. It's no longer something he own like he did when he were single.

When people get in a sexual relationship, it is as if they no longer own their own bodies like they did before. As if their body has been bought by their partner.

My personal opinion is that it's not abuse. If "Linda" wants sex and "David" don't want it. And he she can't handle it then even if "David" is temporary not wanting sex. Then, "David" should break up with her.

Sexual relationship reminds me of prostitution but instead of paying with money, they pay with sex.

I see it as humans right to decide over their own bodies. But that's not how it looks like. The reason is also because many people don't know that they can't deny their partner sex, since their partner has given them love, so they feel they owe them sex in return. Their bodies is no longer their own to 100%.
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Re: Withholding Sex as Punishment

Post by SCH0206 on Wed Mar 14, 2018 8:41 am

But, what if the person being punished does want sex, but is frustrated because their partner refuses to give it to them to "teach them a lesson?" I've read a few stories about this online.

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Re: Withholding Sex as Punishment

Post by Biscotti on Wed Mar 14, 2018 10:36 am

Well I think that's pathetic and slightly amusing that they are manipulated so easily over something that's not important.

Although in relationships often mundane things get blown up to be "relationship-breakers", because as you might guess sexual relationships often overlap with people with relational immaturity.
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Re: Withholding Sex as Punishment

Post by x Nacht Klaue x on Wed Mar 14, 2018 11:02 am

@ SCH0206, Yea, but if the partner can't handle the temporary rejection, whatever the reason might be (being upset, teaching a lesson, not in mood, and so on) then the one who deny them sex should break up, that is my opinion. And of course the one being denied sex could break up as well.

The reason is because, if a person can't handle being denied sex, it can lead to bad things. It can lead to arguing, fight, violence, rape or even murder. Either the partner will handle it with patience or he / she will go crazy, and in some cases it results in murder.

Edit: In most cases it doesn't lead to murder of course. It depends on what type of people they are. If they care and have much non-sexual love towards their husband / wife, they would probably either be patient or both argue about it and then be patient. But if the relationship is only based on other than that and if any of them have low self control, there is a chance that it can lead to violence. Especially if they're doing drugs.
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Re: Withholding Sex as Punishment

Post by xenosimiana on Wed Mar 14, 2018 11:46 am

It degrades both parties. The person that can't handle it shows immaturity. The one withholding until they get what they want is manipulative, shows themselves to be a commodity/object, and foolish because it's an extremely absurd way of trying to fix another's behavior and/or gain favor. It also shows the one being denied as a slave and again, immature. I've heard of things happening like that to the point the other person just simply found someone willing to give them what they want.

It's a very poor way of behavior modification.

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Re: Withholding Sex as Punishment

Post by SCH0206 on Wed Mar 14, 2018 1:18 pm

Thank you all for your responses. They clarified a lot. Some aspects of sex are mysteries I'm trying to solve.

@x Nacht Klaue x I like your analogy of comparing sex to prostitution. It confounds me why so many people like this type of relationship. Kind of reminds me of an overrated book or TV show many people rave about, and I don't see its appeal.

@Biscotti That is pathetic, especially since sex isn't a need, no matter what so-called experts say. It's ironic because some sexual people say that not being in a relationship is immature.

@xenosimiana Yep, it's totally a lose-lose situation.

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Re: Withholding Sex as Punishment

Post by Biscotti on Wed Mar 14, 2018 3:09 pm

On the prostitution analogy I agree but not in the way nacht klaue phrased.

I think sexual relationships ARE like prostitution except instead of sex for money, it's sex for (relationship currency).
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Re: Withholding Sex as Punishment

Post by SlagToccata on Sun Mar 25, 2018 10:19 pm

Considering its intended result, it's abuse, plain and simple. Personally, I don't understand how any couple that would resort to something like that could stay together for non-financial reasons. On the other hand, I see this type of thing as an occupational hazard in any sort of bizarre "commitment" situation. If you feel upset at not being able to act out your carnal desires in a way that involves another person, you need to rethink your priorities.
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