Relationships without Sex

Does anyone else feel like sex destroys relationships and is a "relationship killer?"

My answer to your question is no and yes.

I say no as a way to play devil's advocate. Some couples believe sex strengthens their relationship. There are even "experts" who claim sex can stave off certain diseases, and there are others who see it as toxic if one person withholds sex from their partner as punishment.

Here's my yes answer: If a couple is dependent on sex as a binder of their relationship, then this brings up a couple of questions. Is sex the only thing that matters to the couple? And, if sex wasn't in the picture, would they have any other reasons to be together, reasons that are not predicated on superficial values?

In other words, sex can bring a couple together, but it's an issue if that's the only thing the participants have in common. Even some pro-sexuals agree with this stance. Of course, no sex at all would make the relationship deeper and pure, but there aren't too many people who would consider that option.

SCH0206 wrote:My answer to your question is no and yes.

I say no as a way to play devil's advocate. Some couples believe sex strengthens their relationship. There are even "experts" who claim sex can stave off certain diseases, and there are others who see it as toxic if one person withholds sex from their partner as punishment.

Here's my yes answer: If a couple is dependent on sex as a binder of their relationship, then this brings up a couple of questions. Is sex the only thing that matters to the couple? And, if sex wasn't in the picture, would they have any other reasons to be together, reasons that are not predicated on superficial values?

In other words, sex can bring a couple together, but it's an issue if that's the only thing the participants have in common. Even some pro-sexuals agree with this stance. Of course, no sex at all would make the relationship deeper and pure, but there aren't too many people who would consider that option.

Yeah, on the whole health thing, can't exercise and good dieting particularly curtail most diseases as well? I mean, there are lots of other ways to keep yourself healthy. Sex isn't the only way, I would think. Plus, what leads to more toxic relationships than casual sex relationships? Really?!

Well, I mentioned it before that sex makes people commodities instead of irreplaceable value beings to others. I don't think I will switch on that. However, one thing that I constantly find in any and every single relationship is that they seem to always want to consume sex regardless of if they love their partner. They just want to use their partner for their organs. It's never then about the quality of the partner. Rather, it's only about the quality of the sex. And if someone doesn't put out or do it by their standards "right", then the relationship is over. So, that's one way. However, there is a 2nd way.

I think that instead of trying to be a great overall character, people just want to be "objectified" or "sexualized" by the world all the time. Or better yet, they want to "objectify" their partner. I don't know if it's you agree with me, but I find sex to be the silliest thing to build a relationship on. Most relationships I see right now are crashing in flames, and it seems to be because they only care about sex rather than staying with their partner. And the sexual world says have copious sex, so their partner is the last thing on their mind in my opinion. With all the things to have sex (stay attractive, be hot, seduction game, sex skill), it seems like jumping through hoops to please a partner. And I think that's why so many relationships die off. Sex will never satisfy. It's not supposed to.

So, why should anyone have it?

I think that people are able to love one another without having sex at all. Why? Because when I look at people's relationships, they seem to always fight over sex or something. It just always seems to destroy all the time. I find sex to be an antithesis to "real love" with true authentic relationships. It's always a wonder why "Virgin" is such an insult to me. Or why people try to say to someone they "need to get laid". It's weird to me. It seems sex causes

tygersongbird wrote:

SCH0206 wrote:My answer to your question is no and yes.

I say no as a way to play devil's advocate. Some couples believe sex strengthens their relationship. There are even "experts" who claim sex can stave off certain diseases, and there are others who see it as toxic if one person withholds sex from their partner as punishment.

Here's my yes answer: If a couple is dependent on sex as a binder of their relationship, then this brings up a couple of questions. Is sex the only thing that matters to the couple? And, if sex wasn't in the picture, would they have any other reasons to be together, reasons that are not predicated on superficial values?

In other words, sex can bring a couple together, but it's an issue if that's the only thing the participants have in common. Even some pro-sexuals agree with this stance. Of course, no sex at all would make the relationship deeper and pure, but there aren't too many people who would consider that option.

Yeah, on the whole health thing, can't exercise and good dieting particularly curtail most diseases as well? I mean, there are lots of other ways to keep yourself healthy. Sex isn't the only way, I would think. Plus, what leads to more toxic relationships than casual sex relationships? Really?!

Well, I mentioned it before that sex makes people commodities instead of irreplaceable value beings to others. I don't think I will switch on that. However, one thing that I constantly find in any and every single relationship is that they seem to always want to consume sex regardless of if they love their partner. They just want to use their partner for their organs. It's never then about the quality of the partner. Rather, it's only about the quality of the sex. And if someone doesn't put out or do it by their standards "right", then the relationship is over. So, that's one way. However, there is a 2nd way.

I think that instead of trying to be a great overall character, people just want to be "objectified" or "sexualized" by the world all the time. Or better yet, they want to "objectify" their partner. I don't know if it's you agree with me, but I find sex to be the silliest thing to build a relationship on. Most relationships I see right now are crashing in flames, and it seems to be because they only care about sex rather than staying with their partner. And the sexual world says have copious sex, so their partner is the last thing on their mind in my opinion. With all the things to have sex (stay attractive, be hot, seduction game, sex skill), it seems like jumping through hoops to please a partner. And I think that's why so many relationships die off. Sex will never satisfy. It's not supposed to.

So, why should anyone have it?

I think that people are able to love one another without having sex at all. Why? Because when I look at people's relationships, they seem to always fight over sex or something. It just always seems to destroy all the time. I find sex to be an antithesis to "real love" with true authentic relationships. It's always a wonder why "Virgin" is such an insult to me. Or why people try to say to someone they "need to get laid". It's weird to me. It seems sex causes

Reading your statement and looking at my own answers gave me a revelation. Even if couples claim that sex brings them closer, it still seems like something that may break a relationship if there's disagreement or if it's not done "correctly." Many pro-sexuals say something along the lines of, "Sex shouldn't be the only factor in a relationship, but it should be included to keep your partner." They act as if one isn't allowed to disregard sex completely or a healthy relationship can't exist without it. That's why I think platonic relationships are more pure than partner-type relationships. In platonic relationships, you can have more than one friend, and you don't have to be around them every day. Partner-type relationships basically require you to adhere to shallow values like pulchritude and having one person be the center of your world. I don't get the appeal at all.

SCH0206 wrote:

tygersongbird wrote:

SCH0206 wrote:My answer to your question is no and yes.

I say no as a way to play devil's advocate. Some couples believe sex strengthens their relationship. There are even "experts" who claim sex can stave off certain diseases, and there are others who see it as toxic if one person withholds sex from their partner as punishment.

Here's my yes answer: If a couple is dependent on sex as a binder of their relationship, then this brings up a couple of questions. Is sex the only thing that matters to the couple? And, if sex wasn't in the picture, would they have any other reasons to be together, reasons that are not predicated on superficial values?

In other words, sex can bring a couple together, but it's an issue if that's the only thing the participants have in common. Even some pro-sexuals agree with this stance. Of course, no sex at all would make the relationship deeper and pure, but there aren't too many people who would consider that option.

Yeah, on the whole health thing, can't exercise and good dieting particularly curtail most diseases as well? I mean, there are lots of other ways to keep yourself healthy. Sex isn't the only way, I would think. Plus, what leads to more toxic relationships than casual sex relationships? Really?!

Well, I mentioned it before that sex makes people commodities instead of irreplaceable value beings to others. I don't think I will switch on that. However, one thing that I constantly find in any and every single relationship is that they seem to always want to consume sex regardless of if they love their partner. They just want to use their partner for their organs. It's never then about the quality of the partner. Rather, it's only about the quality of the sex. And if someone doesn't put out or do it by their standards "right", then the relationship is over. So, that's one way. However, there is a 2nd way.

I think that instead of trying to be a great overall character, people just want to be "objectified" or "sexualized" by the world all the time. Or better yet, they want to "objectify" their partner. I don't know if it's you agree with me, but I find sex to be the silliest thing to build a relationship on. Most relationships I see right now are crashing in flames, and it seems to be because they only care about sex rather than staying with their partner. And the sexual world says have copious sex, so their partner is the last thing on their mind in my opinion. With all the things to have sex (stay attractive, be hot, seduction game, sex skill), it seems like jumping through hoops to please a partner. And I think that's why so many relationships die off. Sex will never satisfy. It's not supposed to.

So, why should anyone have it?

I think that people are able to love one another without having sex at all. Why? Because when I look at people's relationships, they seem to always fight over sex or something. It just always seems to destroy all the time. I find sex to be an antithesis to "real love" with true authentic relationships. It's always a wonder why "Virgin" is such an insult to me. Or why people try to say to someone they "need to get laid". It's weird to me. It seems sex causes

Reading your statement and looking at my own answers gave me a revelation. Even if couples claim that sex brings them closer, it still seems like something that may break a relationship if there's disagreement or if it's not done "correctly." Many pro-sexuals say something along the lines of, "Sex shouldn't be the only factor in a relationship, but it should be included to keep your partner." They act as if one isn't allowed to disregard sex completely or a healthy relationship can't exist without it. That's why I think platonic relationships are more pure than partner-type relationships. In platonic relationships, you can have more than one friend, and you don't have to be around them every day. Partner-type relationships basically require you to adhere to shallow values like pulchritude and having one person be the center of your world. I don't get the appeal at all.

Yes, I think that is definitely a thought to go off with. I don't know why people say that "sex makes you feel closer to your partner". You need it to get closer to your partner or without it it's not intimate. I don't know why people say that at all. Especially when in this culture, casual sex is deemed the coolest thing ever! It's so silly. People have sex with all these partners (which I find a societal disease in every way), and they say that it's just not love. But however, love cannot exist without sex. Hmm...

So, I guess that love doesn't need sex to work. Yeah. 

And on that note, I will say this: I am not only against sex for relationship reasons. I am against sex for religious & social matters as well. Sex to me seems to be an impure act that leads to destruction on all fronts. These are just as important to me as well. We need a post on that later. But the whole relationship factor needs to get talked about as well. But the whole "You need to be good enough to earn my sexual body or attractive enough to be with me" is discriminatory and disparaging on all front. It creates a token system that in my opinion is broken. But the masses worship it for sure. I'll have sex with you once you do X. How insane, right? Yeah... It's an awful love to me. Impure.

Yes, I think that is definitely a thought to go off with. I don't know why people say that "sex makes you feel closer to your partner". You need it to get closer to your partner or without it it's not intimate. I don't know why people say that at all. Especially when in this culture, casual sex is deemed the coolest thing ever! It's so silly. People have sex with all these partners (which I find a societal disease in every way), and they say that it's just not love. But however, love cannot exist without sex. Hmm…

When there's so much pressure to have sex in a relationship that saying no is seen as selfishness, I can't understand how it can make people feel closer to their partner. I've been told by someone in the past who was pressuring me that it'd make us feel closer, but I already knew that wouldn't be true. If someone doesn't want sex but gives in because they feel like saying no to them is selfish, it may lead to feeling further away from their partner, and resentment can happen the longer it goes on, and the feelings of resentment can be mutual, with one person growing to hate their partner for wanting sex with them, and the other hating their partner for not enjoying it, or not doing a "good enough" job at it. I knew that cycle of resentment would happen if I gave into the pressure.

And on that note, I will say this: I am not only against sex for relationship reasons. I am against sex for religious & social matters as well. Sex to me seems to be an impure act that leads to destruction on all fronts. These are just as important to me as well. We need a post on that later. But the whole relationship factor needs to get talked about as well. But the whole "You need to be good enough to earn my sexual body or attractive enough to be with me" is discriminatory and disparaging on all front. It creates a token system that in my opinion is broken. But the masses worship it for sure. I'll have sex with you once you do X. How insane, right? Yeah... It's an awful love to me. Impure.

It's contradictory how it's so often seen as the greatest expression of love in a relationship, while in practice, it's often treated as a bargaining chip. The system of "I'll have sex with you once you do X" and "I'll do X if you have sex with me in return" can lead to a lot of people doing things they hate, and the latter is especially coercive, but it's sad how many people buy into it. It doesn't allow a relationship to be built on trust or respect.

Admin wrote:

Yes, I think that is definitely a thought to go off with. I don't know why people say that "sex makes you feel closer to your partner". You need it to get closer to your partner or without it it's not intimate. I don't know why people say that at all. Especially when in this culture, casual sex is deemed the coolest thing ever! It's so silly. People have sex with all these partners (which I find a societal disease in every way), and they say that it's just not love. But however, love cannot exist without sex. Hmm…

When there's so much pressure to have sex in a relationship that saying no is seen as selfishness, I can't understand how it can make people feel closer to their partner. I've been told by someone in the past who was pressuring me that it'd make us feel closer, but I already knew that wouldn't be true. If someone doesn't want sex but gives in because they feel like saying no to them is selfish, it may lead to feeling further away from their partner, and resentment can happen the longer it goes on, and the feelings of resentment can be mutual, with one person growing to hate their partner for wanting sex with them, and the other hating their partner for not enjoying it, or not doing a "good enough" job at it. I knew that cycle of resentment would happen if I gave into the pressure.

And on that note, I will say this: I am not only against sex for relationship reasons. I am against sex for religious & social matters as well. Sex to me seems to be an impure act that leads to destruction on all fronts. These are just as important to me as well. We need a post on that later. But the whole relationship factor needs to get talked about as well. But the whole "You need to be good enough to earn my sexual body or attractive enough to be with me" is discriminatory and disparaging on all front. It creates a token system that in my opinion is broken. But the masses worship it for sure. I'll have sex with you once you do X. How insane, right? Yeah... It's an awful love to me. Impure.

It's contradictory how it's so often seen as the greatest expression of love in a relationship, while in practice, it's often treated as a bargaining chip. The system of "I'll have sex with you once you do X" and "I'll do X if you have sex with me in return" can lead to a lot of people doing things they hate, and the latter is especially coercive, but it's sad how many people buy into it. It doesn't allow a relationship to be built on trust or respect.

Yeah, I imagine that a relationship that is solid could never be built upon sex. I don't think that there is ever a way that sex could lead to long term love. The two are incongruent. After all, if you look at sex with people who speak about sex, it's all about spreading your genes and having good children or something. Genetic elitism, in my opinion. All you are interested in doing (according to these scientists) is find a partner that has good genes or will give you desired traits. It's all that is. A master race of children. That seems to be an indicator of elitism, and it's a degree of a token economy with bargaining chips. And it's off that precept that most relationships are formed in my opinion.

When you only desire them for their physical appearance and nothing more, there is an old word for that really: lust. It basically takes away what you want to serve to them and only makes you something like a utensil for temporary use. It's basically gaming a person into thinking that I will be with you forever, but you really only want me for a second before you leave. It will be only for that moment and nothing more. I guess that's what "game" is, though I am not so sure. Who knows? And I am coming to the opinion that sex only leads to that road. Only true love could grow without consummation or physical acts. I think that.

All of this is treated like a game and people are being played by sex in my opinion. Is it any wonder why we have such a destructive society really?

And for those who say that not having sex makes you selfish, that's weird. It's also why I don't get into relationships to avoid that whole "You must have sex" thing. I am glad to not be with anyone for that reason. However, it comes with the drawback on the fact that people just can use the "virgin" tag on you. You need to get laid?! Why? Most people who are having sex aren't even satiated by it. They are angry, hurt, and lost souls when you hear them. So, whatever. I guess I'll be the "virgin".

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x Nacht Klaue x wrote:There are women who has partner and still they use dildo. I guess because they are so sex-obsessed and they know they can't have sex all the time, so they use sex-toys instead. But also because they see it as a healthy thing. I also know that some sex-toys has caused people physical harm, so it's not always safe.. of course, sex between people has caused harm as well, even death. Some of these people, they recommend their friends and others to use sex-toys as well. Isn't that weird? to recommend ones friends to try a dildo? o.O

Yeah, and sexual lusts are just never able to be satisfied in any way. And even when they are, it leads to high drama. It cannot mask drama and conflict in relationships. Moreover, it creates it or leads to people who are toxic. So many relationships I have seen in my lifetime where they were volatile in personality, only to be good because they have sex with each other. They stick with someone who is all wrong for them, but they never leave because they love having sex. That's loopy and kooky. I will never understand it. That is a situation where sex leads to some physical harm right there. It's like people lose their minds over sex.

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x Nacht Klaue x wrote:I didn't know that some didn't leave each other because of sex.. wow. I know that some stay because of low self-esteemor or because they are dysfunctional or other reasons but to stay because of sex, wow..

Yeah, that seems to happen quite a bit from what I have seen. And to be honest with you, it's gross to me. I don't know what to think about people who do this thing. After all, it's a programmed behavior for them. The amount of times I have heard people say that I haven't had sex in like 2 weeks is astounding. Crazy for sure. I want to feel sorry for them, but the way they talk about virgins and people like priests and nuns who don't have sex leaves me to feel contempt. They like to make fun of those who don't have sex and say they're losers or nobodies, but you're only cool if you are having sex. Yeah, right. Let's stop that now! It's obvious how dangerous it is and how messed up sex is making our society all the while.

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x Nacht Klaue x wrote: but nowadays some people do vasectomy. I'm not against vasectomy as long as people do it for themselves and not for the sake of their partner.. The reason why I'm for vasectomy is because of all the abortions people do, and I am against killing of innocent living being.

Oh, I am so with you on that issue. Vasectomies are great for sure to stop reproduction. I am absolutely pro-vasectomy. However, I just think that we need to raise the bar on the no reproduction front. I find it so shocking to be quite honest with you that people consistently keep having sex with other people and refuse to stop. Then they get pregnant and are angry they can't abort the baby? Why are you mad for me? You copulated and  have been getting pregnant. I find it really shocking. Unbelievable! They would rather keep having sex, using birth control methods that are harmful and detrimental to human physiology, before they would stop having sex. It's like "Why?! 

Do people not realize that they can simply stop having sex?  However, when you mention that statement, they make it seem like you are destroying their good time. It's like you are a kill-joy, obstructing their merriment. When in reality, you want them to realize that you don't need sex is not necessary to be happy and we should reconsider the consequences and pitfalls that come from it before even saying it's worth it. Why can't we say that true joy will not be found through sex and it's not a troublesome one at that?

I don't understand why people think that sex=fun. And that if you're not about having sex, you're no fun. It's so weird. It's like celibacy or abstinence is somehow "oppressive and draconian". I always thought that it was smart & prudent, not prudish. It's just a shocking thing to me why so many people have to always have sex like a junkie. It's so absurd. 

I personally as a guy will probably get a vasectomy someday. I for sure am against having children and do not wish to be a father at any time. The world is already so populated as it is, and I don't think that raising (better yet creating) kids should be something always touted. Kids can be cruel, unruly, disobedient, and they often are ungrateful. Well, some kids are. I should avoid the opinionated blanket statement.

 Yeah, I don't like to raise kids. Sorry.  It's ridiculous to me, especially with how parents divorce and hurt their kids. It's obvious kids do not make a family stay together, and more importantly they can split them because of differing parenting styles. I feel so many people should not go for kids. What's wrong with being child-free?

And that's another thing for me. I hate it when people try to go for kids and family as being the only things that make you an adult. Just like sex "makes you a man", but it seems that they say the same things for kids. Like, what do you have in your life if you don't have kids? Your life must be so dull and vacuous. I don't know. The whole vapidity of such a statement always hurts. They almost hurt as being assumed a creep for being an unmarried single man. "There's something wrong with him! He's not married and he's a grown man. He must be a loser or some man-child. He's not a real man. He's a little boy.

Man, if only sex-positivity would just die. If only compulsory sexuality didn't exist. I can't wait for the day that people realize that they don't need sex to live. And that life is really wonderful without it. It will be a day of rejoicing. I just don't get this world. It's like being an alien from another planet being here.

Yeah that's what's wrong with society most people don't know how to get happiness from other aspects of life besides the ones that are detrimental to one's life and family. The obvious we discuss being sex but then you also have drugs, alcohol and gambling. When I think about it, it's amazing how humans can make almost anything an addiction, which to me equates it to being a detriment and a liability in some form or another.

For sure, the addictive nature of sex tends to lead me to the thought that people literally turn into like beasts chasing after sex. They treat and call girls female dogs after all. They call themselves horndogs. I think that might not be off-base really. That is crazy.

I swear people turn into the worst type of vipers and attack each other for the sake of sex. The fights and everything encumbered in it is insane. I like platonic type relationships. Kindness is a virtue after all.

tygersongbird wrote:For sure, the addictive nature of sex tends to lead me to the thought that people literally turn into like beasts chasing after sex. They treat and call girls female dogs after all. They call themselves horndogs. I think that might not be off-base really. That is crazy.

I swear people turn into the worst type of vipers and attack each other for the sake of sex. The fights and everything encumbered in it is insane. I like platonic type relationships. Kindness is a virtue after all.

Yes I've had my fair share of being called a female dog throughout my lifetime...yeah I kinda hate to say it, but platonic relationships seems to be more stable. I'm starting to feel like sex is one of the worst products of nature.

tygersongbird wrote:For sure, the addictive nature of sex tends to lead me to the thought that people literally turn into like beasts chasing after sex. They treat and call girls female dogs after all. They call themselves horndogs. I think that might not be off-base really. That is crazy.

I swear people turn into the worst type of vipers and attack each other for the sake of sex. The fights and everything encumbered in it is insane. I like platonic type relationships. Kindness is a virtue after all.

People are capable of self-control, but so many believe themselves that they are beasts only capable of chasing after sex. They're insulting themselves when they believe that, but it's also a way some people have dodged accountability, when they insist they "couldn't help it".

xenosimiana wrote:

tygersongbird wrote:For sure, the addictive nature of sex tends to lead me to the thought that people literally turn into like beasts chasing after sex. They treat and call girls female dogs after all. They call themselves horndogs. I think that might not be off-base really. That is crazy.

I swear people turn into the worst type of vipers and attack each other for the sake of sex. The fights and everything encumbered in it is insane. I like platonic type relationships. Kindness is a virtue after all.

Yes I've had my fair share of being called a female dog throughout my lifetime...yeah I kinda hate to say it, but platonic relationships seems to be more stable. I'm starting to feel like sex is one of the worst products of nature.

I am with you. I think this is going to inspire my next post to be honest with you. I think another post is coming, one very thought provoking. Hang on and wait for it.

Admin wrote:

tygersongbird wrote:For sure, the addictive nature of sex tends to lead me to the thought that people literally turn into like beasts chasing after sex. They treat and call girls female dogs after all. They call themselves horndogs. I think that might not be off-base really. That is crazy.

I swear people turn into the worst type of vipers and attack each other for the sake of sex. The fights and everything encumbered in it is insane. I like platonic type relationships. Kindness is a virtue after all.

People are capable of self-control, but so many believe themselves that they are beasts only capable of chasing after sex. They're insulting themselves when they believe that, but it's also a way some people have dodged accountability, when they insist they "couldn't help it".

Oh, yeah, I have heard that. "It has a mind of its own". "The heart wants what it wants." "Being led by the genitals." Haha. And apparently it needs to be brain dead. My goodness.

tygersongbird wrote:

xenosimiana wrote:

tygersongbird wrote:For sure, the addictive nature of sex tends to lead me to the thought that people literally turn into like beasts chasing after sex. They treat and call girls female dogs after all. They call themselves horndogs. I think that might not be off-base really. That is crazy.

I swear people turn into the worst type of vipers and attack each other for the sake of sex. The fights and everything encumbered in it is insane. I like platonic type relationships. Kindness is a virtue after all.

Yes I've had my fair share of being called a female dog throughout my lifetime...yeah I kinda hate to say it, but platonic relationships seems to be more stable. I'm starting to feel like sex is one of the worst products of nature.

I am with you. I think this is going to inspire my next post to be honest with you. I think another post is coming, one very thought provoking. Hang on and wait for it.

Oooh can't wait! 

xenosimiana wrote:

tygersongbird wrote:

xenosimiana wrote:

tygersongbird wrote:For sure, the addictive nature of sex tends to lead me to the thought that people literally turn into like beasts chasing after sex. They treat and call girls female dogs after all. They call themselves horndogs. I think that might not be off-base really. That is crazy.

I swear people turn into the worst type of vipers and attack each other for the sake of sex. The fights and everything encumbered in it is insane. I like platonic type relationships. Kindness is a virtue after all.

Yes I've had my fair share of being called a female dog throughout my lifetime...yeah I kinda hate to say it, but platonic relationships seems to be more stable. I'm starting to feel like sex is one of the worst products of nature.

I am with you. I think this is going to inspire my next post to be honest with you. I think another post is coming, one very thought provoking. Hang on and wait for it.

Oooh can't wait! 

Here it is and enjoy: https://iamfortress.forumotion.com/t191-but-sex-is-natural#2266