Reasons why they do it
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Reasons why they do it
Reasons why they have sex
Alright. Coming off of Evolutionary psychology, while I think it's a lot of bull, I am going to trust that their population studies they provide are potentially accurate. At least for our purposes. The only thing I worry about is demographics or potential leading questions.
Anywho this group [https://labs.la.utexas.edu/buss/publications/] published a few studies on "reasons why people have sex". Why is this interesting to us? Really, the only things I think we can get from these studies is
1. Yet more evidence for how pathetic sexuals are, not like we need it.
And more importantly
2. Getting a list of popular AND unpopular reasons for why people have sex, will enable us to see how we could reduce sexual pressure. For example if it turns out 5% of people say they have sex because of peer pressure. We'll know that peer pressure is a fairly significant culprit. (Taking this philosophically we could say that sex by nature of existing as an option, pressures sex because it accounts as a reason for 100% of sexual interactions. And that's technically true but probably not a good use of resources.)
There's two papers, and the first one covers the first of these goals and also serves as an introduction to the 2nd paper which covers the second goal.
Alright. Coming off of Evolutionary psychology, while I think it's a lot of bull, I am going to trust that their population studies they provide are potentially accurate. At least for our purposes. The only thing I worry about is demographics or potential leading questions.
Anywho this group [https://labs.la.utexas.edu/buss/publications/] published a few studies on "reasons why people have sex". Why is this interesting to us? Really, the only things I think we can get from these studies is
1. Yet more evidence for how pathetic sexuals are, not like we need it.
And more importantly
2. Getting a list of popular AND unpopular reasons for why people have sex, will enable us to see how we could reduce sexual pressure. For example if it turns out 5% of people say they have sex because of peer pressure. We'll know that peer pressure is a fairly significant culprit. (Taking this philosophically we could say that sex by nature of existing as an option, pressures sex because it accounts as a reason for 100% of sexual interactions. And that's technically true but probably not a good use of resources.)
There's two papers, and the first one covers the first of these goals and also serves as an introduction to the 2nd paper which covers the second goal.
- PAPER #1:
http://labs.la.utexas.edu/buss/files/2013/02/Reasons-for-Having-Sex.doc
Located on their site is a questionaire. Listing over a hundred reasons for why people have sex. But....it's just a questionaire. So what could this list give us? Not much but the people who devised this list had to pre-conceive what people's answers were going to be. And this could give as an insight into how sexuals view themselves.
1. I was “in the heat of the moment.”
2. It just happened.
WAH WAH WAH! *laugh track*
3. I was bored.
4. It just seemed like “the thing to do.”
Insightful
5. Someone dared me.
Ok, so I'm starting to doubt the insightfulness of this list. I'm just going to skip under my own discretion.
22. My partner kept insisting.
This one is troubling
45. I wanted to display submission.
This is contradictory
49. I wanted to end the relationship.
Oh. This one is actually the most relatable, sex is like a middle finger.
78. I wanted to hurt/humiliate the person.
Alright, so this made me realize it's not that relatable.
85. My hormones were out of control.
This is probably the most enraging. Though I wish more people said this because it would give us excuse to lock them up in an insane aslyum.
90. I wanted to communicate at a "deeper" level.
DARN IT this one made me burst out laughing publicly.
98. The person demanded that I have sex with him/her.
I've skipped over a lot of responses like this, and the fact that there's so many of them is very alarming.
101. It's considered “taboo” by society.
Oh yeah, so taboo.
112. It would damage my reputation if I said “no.”
what the fr
128. I wanted to be used or degraded.
eaking fek fak This is what I get for trusting evolutionary psychologists for coming up with a list like this. I didn't even want to paste this one.
154. I wanted to get a job.
155. I wanted to get a raise.
156. I wanted to get a promotion.
This is illegal!
180. It is my genetic imperative.
Alright, how many levels of parody are we on now?
197. I wanted to see what all the fuss is about.
But I thought we just established it was 'taboo'.
There were more mind-boggingly stupid answers that I didn't paste because I couldn't think of a wisecrack to lighten the mood afterward but MY GOSH. This list should be enough to permanently lock up most sexuals.
- PAPER #2:
http://labs.la.utexas.edu/buss/files/2013/02/Sex-and-Mating-Strategy.pdf
"Abstract There is a large number of varied reasons for having
sexual intercourse, ranging from sexual joy and pleasure
to less frequent reasons such as wanting to hurt a person or
feeling obliged to have sex with someone"
Given that you named them I'd say they're the most frequent out of the less frequent options. 5% of a population for example is still millions of people.
Anyway here's where we're going to focus more on working to diminish sexual pressures. So we'll look at their proposed categories systematically. I give my thoughts, but please if anyone has other ideas about the topic/examples please say them. You may tackle it a different way then I did.
Stress reduction
Their examples: I’m addicted to sex, I’m a sex addict, I thought it would relax me, It could help me “get sex out of my system” so that I could focus on other things, I thought it would make me feel healthy
I guess offer alternative ways of stress reduction. Not like there's really a shortage nowadays though.
Pleasure
Their examples: I wanted to feel he pure pleasure, It’s fun, I was horny, I wanted an orgasm
I'm a bit confused over how some of their examples constitute pleasure (Also yes they made a typo). And what does pleasure mean, these examples seem to treat it as a physical pleasure which makes sense. But on top of that, actually, fun fact, to some people (likely mostly women) sex isn't even physically pleasurable.
So how do we combat this? I suppose for now we could expand on that 'revelation' that sex isn't physically pleasurable to everyone and see how much of the population it isn't pleasurable to. However I feel by doing so would only pathologize them to society, which is actually why I brought up the discrepancy that they're definition of pleasure is largely about the physical pleasure because that might have potential.
Physical desirability
Their examples: The person had an attractive body, The person had an attractive face, The person’s physical appearance turned me on, The person was too sexy to resist, I saw the person naked and couldn’t resist, The person had beautiful eyes
This is strange, but I won't psycho-analyze them too hard as this isn't what we're trying to do here. Still, you see something pretty or handsome (attractive) and that somehow translates to doing something very un-pretty or un-attractive with them. Seems contradictory. But would pointing out this contradiction really change much? I don't think so. If anyone else has an idea plz contribute cuz im feeling pretty useless
Experience seeking
Their examples (I am NOT taking responsibility for these): I wanted to experience what it would be like to have sex with another person, I wanted to experience whether having sex with another partner would feel different or better, I was curious about my sexual abilities, I wanted the experience, I was curious about how the other person was like in bed, I wanted to improve my sexual skills, I wanted adventure/excitement, I was curious about sex
This is actually why I am aligned with sex-positives in their push to de-mystify sex. I think de-mystifying sex would help us a lot more then them. In other words we're already doing this I feel. We're good here.
Resources
Their examples: I wanted to get a job, I wanted to get a raise, The person offered me drugs to do it, I wanted to make money, I wanted to reproduce
These are very troubling. But luckily all this is illegal already. I wish I could read their way of tracking data though so I could know how prevalent this is. They're using some advanced cryptography for their results.
Anywho there are two interesting things in this list.
"I wanted to make money". I.e prostitution. This is a LARGE reason why I think prostitution should stay illegal. Believe it or not but it's going the way of weed in some debate circles for legalizing it. No.
"I wanted to reproduce". This one is cancerous through and through. But not sure how to combat it, other then pushing anti-natalist arguments. Artificial wombs might solve about 50% of the problems, (Still have to deal with the problems surrounding reproducing and masturbation, but it removes sex and pregnancy)
Social status
Their examples: I thought it would strengthen my social status, I wanted to brag to my friends about my conquest, I wanted to improve my reputation, I wanted to be popular, I wanted to have more sex than my friends, I was competing with someone else to “get the person”
These are also troubling and there is certainly a lot of discussion to be had here. Here are my suggestions
1. Keep de-mystifying sex
2. Keep talking down on sex and getting rid of prosexual BS
3. Give more strength to sex-negative opinions
4. I guess look into sexless romance and help those sorts of dynamics?
Luckily sex is not intrinsic to social status. Unless the people you are trying to get cozy with want sex from you. But then, why even bother with them? Still...
5. Look into ways to "defuse" situations where someone you want to continue having a platonic relationship with wants sex from you.
Because while that's highly HIGHLY pathetic and actually very rapey, it's still a thing that happens. How to fix, perhaps shaming that type of behaviour? I want to say yes, but i dun no. There's a topic on this here https://iamfortress.forumotion.com/t80-anti-pick-up-lines-and-other-ways-to-show-you-re-not-interested?
Revenge
Their examples: I wanted to even the score with a cheating partner, I wanted to make someone else jealous, I wanted to get back at my partner for cheating on me, I wanted to get even with someone (i.e. get revenge), I wanted to hurt an enemy, I had just ended another relationship and I was vulnerable
okay. im just going to move on
Utilitarian
Their examples: I wanted to get out of doing something, I wanted to keep warm, The person had taken me out on an expensive dinner, I wanted to burn calories
Uhuh, just keep moving on.
Actually wait. "The person had taken me out on an expensive dinner". Sooooo soft-prostitution?
I know, sex as a transaction has already been tackled in feminist circles. So I feel sort of good on this? Keep a lookout though. There is often an issue translating politics to relationship dynamics. So perhaps looking into ways to promote this as a relationship dynamic over a political issue. Which in my opinion would be bringing back a focus on waiting to have sex until marriage with emphasis on that being because sex shouldn't be important to a relationship.
Love and commitment
Their examples: I wanted to express my love for the person, I wanted to show my affection to the person, I realized I was in love, I wanted to feel connected to the person, I wanted to become one with another person, I desired emotional closeness (i.e. intimacy), It felt like a natural next step in my relationship, I wanted to increase the emotional bond by having sex, I wanted to communicate on a deeper level
Okay then. How to deal with the delusional. I guess this picks up where I left off in the last topic above. Promote making sex less important to a relationship.- Unsavoury illustration:
- WAH ohoh i lub this person so much it makes me want to rub my pee pee on their pee poop pap poapoapo until i basically pee on them waooh ultibate expressiopoopoo of love!
Expression(consolidation)
Their examples: I wanted to welcome someone home, I wanted to say “I’ve missed you”, I wanted to celebrate a birthday. wedding anniversary or another special occasion, I wanted to say “Goodbye”, I wanted to say “I’m sorry”, I wanted to say “Thank you”
Yeeaah, like the "revenge" category, there's not really any point to touching these.
Self-esteem boost
Their examples: I wanted to boost my self-esteem, I wanted to feel better/get better self-esteem, I wanted to feel attractive, I wanted attention, I wanted my partner to notice me
Alright, now we're playing with delusions. I want to boost my self-esteem by playing peepee games!
So how do we tear down self esteem guys? That's right we BULLY.
Okay, what I'm basically trying to say is that this is an introspective choice, so as such not much we can do or should be doing. (Right?)
Duty/pressure
Their examples: It was expected of me, I felt obliged to, I felt like it was my duty, I did not want to disappoint the person, I didn’t know how to say no, I wanted to make him/her stop nagging about sex, My partner kept insisting for a period of time
Alright, THIS is the stuff we need to be HARDCORE against. And we need to speak down and denounce it as we see it. There is (well SEVERAL) issues, but the one I want to talk about is "My partner kept insisting for a period of time", in other words long-term tear downs by a partner or peer groups. Or even short-term. How do we cast our net in society in order to catch these cases?
Like I said before, it can be difficult bridging the gap between politics and relationships. I mean we could put out posters that say "Is YOUR partner asking for sex repeatedly? Report to us immediately!" or "Dump him/her" but ehh.
There is one idea I have. It's pre-emptive. Often I listen to these relationship problems and I wonder "What's the point?" Why do these relationships happen when these stupid issues are even issues, you could even describe them as childish. And in the back of my mind I always suspect it's because they jumped into relationships for incomplete (i.e immature) reasons. Because they felt like they neeeeded someone or to be cool. Often times it seems these people are not developed enough themselves to really handle a relationship.
In other words we start promoting maturity BEFORE relationships happen. 99% of relationships are cringy as heck, why are they even considered 'cool'?
And we start promoting the fact that relationships is not "the next step" in an individual. It's not a thing everybody needs (Or at least isn't something they should need. In fact to sum up this rant I'd say that If you feel like you need a relationship, you're probably not mature enough for one.) Which yeah, basically defeats them altogether.
In other words, we stop relationship culture, we stop relationship problems. Easy. Problem solved.
Though I focused on that one issue, glance over the examples again because there's lots of other stuff to talk about in this topic.
Mate guarding
Their examples: I wanted my partner to stay with me , I did not want to “lose” the person, I wanted to prevent a breakup, I wanted to decrease my partner’s desire to have sex with someone else, I wanted to keep my partner away from other people, I was afraid my partner would have an affair if I didn’t have sex with him/her, I wanted to ensure the relationship was committed, I wanted the person to love me
This basically sums up what I was trying to say in the last topic. People in relationships are dumb.
The solution to this is 7 words "give up. For gosh sakes, freaking relationshippers".
But okay, actual answer. Basically these people should not be in relationships. The solution here is to look into WHY people enter relationships and fix that. In other words, make another post exactly like this one but with "relationships" instead of "sex". And find ways to fill those holes. Not something I have time for right now, but maybe someone else does.
More questions
Is there a social contradiction between my suggestions to de-mystify sex as well as downplay sex's importance in relationships? To the point where it could be reserved until marriage
Are there other major reasons to consider? Perhaps we could run our own open-ended survey. Even some less-common ones might be worth looking at.
Biscotti- Posts : 1014
Join date : 2015-04-26
Re: Reasons why they do it
Biscotti wrote: If you feel like you need a relationship, you're probably not mature enough for one.)
That's a very interesting statement because some people think that being in a relationship makes one mature and not being in one (especially not caring to be in one) is considered immature. I don't understand that logic.
SCH0206- Posts : 527
Join date : 2015-04-30
Re: Reasons why they do it
There's a lot to say about this, and this is a great analysis.
The reasons out of duty or pressure are among the worst and we should prioritize addressing them. That's not consent to give into sex just to stop a partner from nagging about it. That it happens is so common that it's seen as normal and not recognized as coercion. I noticed there's some overlap with the duty/pressure and love reasons because, and it may be because of peoples' skewed ideas of what love is.
Many people think part of love is doing whatever their partner wants, and isn't not wanting to disappoint one's partner a part of love, or any kind of relationship itself? Some people keep demanding sex from their partners because from their point of view, they want to show their connection to their partners. I'm not excusing it, only explaining one of the possible ways these reasons can overlap. An example of this when is when one person tells their partner "If you really loved me, you'd do this for me", and their partners often fall for it and don't know how to counter it.
It's not the best example because when someone coerces their partner with the "If you really loved me, you'd do this for me" line, it could be out of a messed up idea of what love is, or they're using the love angle as a calculated way to make their partner cave in because it's often difficult to counter, but it's coercive either way.
Mate guarding tries to use sex as a cover up for a weak or failing relationship. You hear of it all the time when someone says that if a person doesn't have sex with their partner whenever their partner wants, that their partner will cheat on them. Relationships can't be strong if there's the constant fear of a breakup or cheating happening. The "I wanted to ensure the relationship was committed" and "I wanted the person to love me" category shows commitment, and love itself being reduced to sex again. Countering those should be straightforward by showing there's more to relationships than sex, and that it isn't even required.
The reasons out of duty or pressure are among the worst and we should prioritize addressing them. That's not consent to give into sex just to stop a partner from nagging about it. That it happens is so common that it's seen as normal and not recognized as coercion. I noticed there's some overlap with the duty/pressure and love reasons because, and it may be because of peoples' skewed ideas of what love is.
Many people think part of love is doing whatever their partner wants, and isn't not wanting to disappoint one's partner a part of love, or any kind of relationship itself? Some people keep demanding sex from their partners because from their point of view, they want to show their connection to their partners. I'm not excusing it, only explaining one of the possible ways these reasons can overlap. An example of this when is when one person tells their partner "If you really loved me, you'd do this for me", and their partners often fall for it and don't know how to counter it.
It's not the best example because when someone coerces their partner with the "If you really loved me, you'd do this for me" line, it could be out of a messed up idea of what love is, or they're using the love angle as a calculated way to make their partner cave in because it's often difficult to counter, but it's coercive either way.
Mate guarding tries to use sex as a cover up for a weak or failing relationship. You hear of it all the time when someone says that if a person doesn't have sex with their partner whenever their partner wants, that their partner will cheat on them. Relationships can't be strong if there's the constant fear of a breakup or cheating happening. The "I wanted to ensure the relationship was committed" and "I wanted the person to love me" category shows commitment, and love itself being reduced to sex again. Countering those should be straightforward by showing there's more to relationships than sex, and that it isn't even required.
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