Why is romantic love given more significance than platonic love?

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Why is romantic love given more significance than platonic love?

Post by SCH0206 on Sun Feb 11, 2018 5:27 pm

This has been a question that's been gnawing at my brain for a while, and since Valentine's Day is coming up, I decided to ask it now. It bothers me that many people prioritize partners/spouses over friends. I don't understand that at all. Perhaps someone here can offer a plausible theory behind this reasoning?

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Re: Why is romantic love given more significance than platonic love?

Post by Admin on Sun Feb 11, 2018 6:56 pm

Romantic relationships are seen as the most fulfilling kind of relationship by society, where partners are expected to share their lives with each other, with a level of commitment and closeness that they don't share for anyone else. Not all romantic relationships are exclusive, but to many people, exclusivity is one of the components. Romance is usually assumed to tie into sex as well, and with having children. There are holes in this reasoning, because it's not getting into romantic relationships that are toxic, or loveless. They usually get downplayed or swept under the rug, even as a lot of toxic thinking and behaviors are seen as a normal part of romance! It also doesn't get into romantic relationships that have little commitment.

These are the expectations that society places on romantic relationships. There are people with friends who they share a substantial part of their lives with, and have these deep friendships and platonic relationships that are life-long, but this often isn't seen as a possibility. Neither is having a platonic relationship instead of a romantic relationship, and friendships are usually assumed to only be casual, based on friends just hanging out in their spare time. 

From people I've talked with, there are 2 underlying reasons for why people more often prioritize a partner or spouse: They have little time left over for their friends, because of the commitments to their partners, or they actually see friendships as only ever being lesser. The first explanation though, can only explain it for someone who is already in a relationship.

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Re: Why is romantic love given more significance than platonic love?

Post by xenosimiana on Mon Feb 12, 2018 2:37 am

Some people see friendships as being lesser, but then complain about how it's difficult to find a good friend...but then again, it still holds weight because it's not as important as complaining about how it's difficult to find a good sexual romantic partner. It gets muddled when people have sex with whom they consider a friend or friends. Then you'll have couples married or not that have been with each other for a while consider friendship an aspect of their relationship but still a priority over their other friends they don't have sex with. I guess spouse/partners are BFFs with so-called "benefits".

Then I see friendships where people see themselves as siblings to each other or cousins, which is cool, but then here comes others perverting it, interpreting them as sexual (mainly between females and males). It's like they can't help themselves, polluting it and at times egging the individuals to consider changing their relationship into a romantic sexual one, what's up with that? Why can't most people be satisfied and respect the relationship people have already?

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Re: Why is romantic love given more significance than platonic love?

Post by SCH0206 on Tue Feb 13, 2018 6:45 pm

Thanks for your responses. It seems like the more I learn about romance/sexuality, the less sense it makes.

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Re: Why is romantic love given more significance than platonic love?

Post by xenosimiana on Thu Feb 15, 2018 2:20 am

This post on Acebook I fee is one of many damaging aspects to romance and sexuality (If it's indecent to post it I'll take it down) I want to respond but don't know where to start:

I feel like what I have in me is a terminal condition that will be the end of me when it happens or how it happens I don’t know but i feel it killing me every day.
I’m writing a document of whats going on in my head in case, I don’t want media to misinform people or push agenda’s when it happens.
I feel it killing me
every time I cant sleep,
every time I lock myself in the bathroom to punch myself in the face with loud music masking the blows,
every time I pretend someone is talking to me when in reality is in the park alone like a crazy person watching all the happy couples around me,
I don’t get angry when I see them I get depressed,
I watch asmr videos, mostly the kind where it is a person pretending to love you while I hold a pillow to my chest and cry wishing it was all real…
I want help and don’t even know how to pursue it, I tried finding a therapist or something but its too expensive and when I was willing to pay the only doctor near me she said she wasn’t excepting new patients.
most days I’m completely zombified with a depression that just makes me absolutely numb, hitting myself is the only thing that will even allow me too well with tears,
I remember a time years ago when I could feel emotion but now… I just don’t feel anything, iv been told its an anhedonic state…
I just dont know what to do and every day I get more and mroe scared of myself and when I could snap on myself when I cant take it anymore. when I feel its enough ill release the document.

the reason it makes me depressed is simply this, it robs me of conventional interactions that normally oriented people share every day, their chances are endless and there are so many options for them.I have had women pursue me before but I rejected them outright because I knew my sexuality would eventually make them upset or bored with me… I feel like I cant be happy alone and the only thing that has ever made me feel alive was just being with someone. co-dependancy is so controlling… A woman I met on here fell in love with me and I swear everything was amazing, trees looked more colorful everything had a purpose and I had a reason to wake up in the morning when I worked all day it was so I could save every penny to see her someday. it was all taken away from me after almost half a year of us knowing each other when she randomly said she didn’t feel anything for me and that managing me was like managing a child… I loved her with all my heart she was my first love and with a single round of texts, all my life’s purpose and meaning were reduced to nothing. the break up wasn’t what caused my self-destruction this had been going on for years, I would go to the park only to watch couples and talk to myself pretending I was there with my own special someone, it just hurts… I grew up fatherless and this feels like watching all the kids with happy full families… sometimes I sit in bed and try not to breath so I can just imagine what its like to slip away and never wake up again, death scares me but at the same time it is the only thing I have to wonder about because the agonizing misery that is my lonely life is a certainty, death is the only adventure I have to look forward to anymore and it comes closer every day

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Re: Why is romantic love given more significance than platonic love?

Post by SCH0206 on Thu Feb 15, 2018 11:08 am

Wow, that does sound sad. He's predicating his happiness on someone else instead of letting it come from within. I hope he gets the help he needs.

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Re: Why is romantic love given more significance than platonic love?

Post by xenosimiana on Thu Feb 15, 2018 11:55 am

Exactly. I hope so too.

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Re: Why is romantic love given more significance than platonic love?

Post by Nachtleuchten on Thu Feb 15, 2018 6:22 pm

Oh yes, one of the most crucial things we have to learn in life is to be become our own primal sources of happiness and inspiration. That’s surely not egotistical – it is the only means to survive in a world populated by a multitude of humans calibrated on the pleasure principle. It’s a barrier of self-protection no one should dispose of, and I think it means in no way a reduction of affection for those we encounter who merit that affection.

Btw I’ve seen that post on acebook, and I like the response of Deeperconnection, saying the same what you guys have already said here: “try not to depend on others, find yourself and what makes you happy

- and, perhaps most importantly, “Sadly, we are sold a dream”. Unconditional love exists in the media. I have my doubts whether it exists in the real world. Anyhow, if it does, it would a very sparse good. 

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Re: Why is romantic love given more significance than platonic love?

Post by SCH0206 on Thu Feb 15, 2018 6:39 pm

@Nachtleuchten wrote:Unconditional love exists in the media. I have my doubts whether it exists in the real world. Anyhow, if it does, it would a very sparse good. 
I think unconditional love exists in real life. You just have to look hard to find it.

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Re: Why is romantic love given more significance than platonic love?

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