Lunch With The Professor on 4/10/17

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Post by xenosimiana Sun May 14, 2017 5:00 am

This is a rough draft and I'll add more later. I've been focused on other things but I thought I just go ahead and share with you guys the discussion I had with my Sociology professor, especially since it's been over a month.

 
The few things I found pleasant about meeting with my sociology professor was having lunch at the Riverfront Towers watching the beautiful view the Riverfront with people on their boats and rafts cruising the Detroit River with our Canadian neighbors Riverfront in Windsor, ON in the distance.

 
But anyway, we first talked about our families and he found out I was a twin and was curious about the dynamic between me and my sister and later my father. I inquired about his children which segued into my career goals etc. Then we finally got to my sex-negative views which I didn’t explicitly use the word sex-negative, but I expressed my views in forms of various comments and questions. When I think about it, it seemed like I was a bit more probing than he was – curious as to what perverse, and maybe closed-minded responses he would give. Looking back at this, I failed to mention some things, but it’s my second attempt at trying to explain my views so…with practice I guess. Now with other non-sexual topics, he’s more palatable and a decent instructor.

Key points in our conversation:


  • He said that what’s harmful is abstinence


–   I failed to ask him what he meant by harmful, (I’m beating myself up for it) it seemed like he didn’t mean to offend, but I felt that it was disrespectful despite me telling him numerous times I didn’t care for sex and don’t think highly of it. It shows his lack of understanding that someone’s lack of enthusiasm and choice to not engage in sexual activity isn’t harmful to them or anyone else. It’s the reverse, those who engage in it as we all know is what’s harmful. Also, it’s like he thinks me and other people are so-called “starving” themselves and we really truly want it, instead of genuinely not giving a fuck. In addition to the fact that despite some of us that have libidos find it to be annoying and would have no qualms about obliterating that feeling.


  • Mentioned how he’s attracted to women of culture and intelligence…later on saying that he finds me intelligent and attractive…here we go.



  • Flirting with me, and kept making comments about how sexy I was.


– Obviously annoying and uncomfortable.


  • Asking if I knew how intelligent and attractive I am. Saying that it’s what makes me interesting of how I’m oblivious to that.


– Again, uncomfortable and annoying.



  • I asked him if he thinks or believes in the existence of people that don’t experience sexual attraction, he said no, he believes that they just don’t know they’re are capable of it.


– I should’ve mentioned various people that mostly label themselves as “nonlibidoists” but then again, I don’t think it would of mattered, especially since it seems like people can’t quite vividly or accurately give a definition of what that is. I asked him what his definition of romance is and if there’s a difference between that and sexual attraction he said he doesn’t really differentiate between sexual attraction and romance, they’re one and the same. Further saying that romance are attributes that you find attractive about that person and acting on them in various ways.



  • Implies the same about me, and that I shouldn’t reject it without trying sexual-romantic relationships.



  • Mentioned how even though him and his first wife was divorced, they still got along and friends so to speak, still having sex with each other saying that she saw it as somewhat of a “fling’.  


– It’s funny to me how some people find sex more “exciting” with someone they no longer wish to be married to, having no qualms at all with still using them to satisfy their sexual appetites. Also probably not wanting to “start over” so soon and they feel that it’s better with someone they’re familiar with and relatively still like.


  • He thinks that everything is sexual.  - _-





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Post by tygersongbird Sun May 14, 2017 10:53 am

This guy calls himself a professor? Yeah, I imagine he has a crackpot degree in my opinion. No way. He doesn't even know about asexuals and all that, studying sexuality of all things? Yeah, okay. This guy was trying to get in your pants to feed his mouth of a libido. His genitals are like a venus flytrap or something? You're a student. I'd get out of his class immediately before he corners you into a wall. Yipes.

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Post by Admin Sun May 14, 2017 6:31 pm

Instructors shouldn't be flirting with their students. That's a red flag right there. I seriously hope he isn't trying to convince you to try sex when he says abstinence is harmful, because as an instructor with a student, that'd be an abuse of his power.

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Post by Biscotti Sun May 14, 2017 7:38 pm

Picture a failed rocket launch. That's a good illustration of me getting really annoyed with anything he said.

Because there's not much to get annoyed with. Everything that seems to be said was said out of ignorance, and given 5 minutes w/ him that could be spelled out. It's like getting mad at someone claiming the earth is pyramid shaped.

But conveniently, I've pictured an idea for a new video that would touch on some of the problems seemingly brought up here.

Like the others, the most interesting (potentially troubling) part was his flirtation. I'm wondering the cause. I automatically assume it wasn't actually flirtation, but if it was (I don't know your age differences, but I only bring that up to point out it doesn't really matter as much as the fact that you said you were sex-negative, yet he calls you sexy, which is awfully disrespectful, esp if you know what the word sexy means.)

But I also wanted to explore the possibility that he was doing it as an illustration, to prove a point. He could be appealing to ethos (Trying to flatter you, despite the fact that it did the opposite). Or he could just be trying to illustrate his feelings.

lol, rereading what you typed though he sounds like a complete degenerate. Sure, I'll turn a blind-eye to his personal activities, but some things he said to you were quite over-the-line. "You can't judge until you try" is pathetic. Easily torn down (As it has been done in several other arguments, antisexual arguments or not). But on top of that it's over-the-line into personal territory. Especially given the fact that you just explained you were sex-negative. 

But as I said at the beginning, it seems to come out of ignorance. Certainly, stupid and harmful ignorance. I AM starting to get a bit annoyed. Give me 5 minutes w/ him.

But since I can't do that, I will instead offer my advice on how to dig at this guy (However, given his innapropriate views towards you and disrespectfulness of your views, I understand if you'd rather not.)
1. Argue against sex-positivity and for sex-negativity.
2. Appeal to sex being ridiculous and optional.
3. Tell him what he said wasn't ok.

As I said before I had an idea for a new video regarding the so-called "necessity" of sex. And the outline goes roughly like
If. Someone came up to you and said. That. Television. was an important and necessary part of life. What would you say?
I'm sure some of you would dismiss it, especially those who don't watch television. Others might go in with an open mind and try to see what thiis person was trying to say or where they were coming from. But objectively, television is not necessary for survival.

Now let's say someone came up to you and said. "Hitting your head on the wall for 15 minutes of each day is an important and necessary part of life" I'm sure more of you would be inclined to disagree with that statement.
But why though? Because it's not normal? How do you know? Perhaps everyone just does it privately. How do you know hitting your head on the wall isn't necessary for life? Well I imagine, you've all lived life, lives perfectly fine without hitting your head like that.

We could keep exploring this analogy. "Picking your nose", "Sleeping while squatting", utterly ludicrous or mundane suggestions. We all know, they aren't necessary to live.

(And then I tie this into sex, and maybe poke fun at some examples of sexual idiots. blah de blah)

EDIT FOR LATER: Would like to have section going into how this mentality creates a detrimental effect on society.


Last edited by Biscotti on Tue May 16, 2017 12:03 am; edited 1 time in total
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Post by SCH0206 Sun May 14, 2017 11:33 pm

I had a bad feeling about this lunch meeting, but I didn't expect it to be like this! I assumed that he was going to mock you, not divulge his disgusting activities and then hit on you. Maybe you should find a way to transfer out of his class now that he revealed his true colors. That's just downright sick!

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Post by Biscotti Mon May 15, 2017 3:08 am

RE-reading it, each time it sounds worse. But there's also an oxymoron. If he thinks you're intelligent and presumably worthy of respect, why does he think your views on sex aren't intelligent and disrespects you on that repeatedly.

That's an objective oxymoron, the following is my subjective add-on (The difference being that the following is not something he'd see, while the previous example should be something he'd see in the context of his flow)

I also bring up the fact that sexuality is pretty much the definition of unintelligence and disrespect, losing on ethos, pathos and logos. Relying on childish desires.
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Post by xenosimiana Mon May 15, 2017 10:47 pm

@Admin I think that’s exactly what he was trying to do, much like how family and friends would, (ex: “But you’re cute and smart, you would be great for somebody etc.”) but instead it’s combined with what tygersongbird mentioned “to feed his mouth of a libido” and “his genitals are like a venus flytrap”. Plus, I think since we weren’t in the classroom and instead in a restaurant, he felt it was appropriate, but I’m just speculating on that part. I forgot to mention his age, he’s somewhere around his late 70s early 80s.
 
@tygersongbird I was expecting him to be somewhat familiar with various viewpoints on sexuality as my English and Psychology instructors were, but from what I understand “Asexuality” is still pretty much unknown among many people hence being called the “invisible orientation”. But anyway, I agree that he comes off as a pervert to me, especially since I mentioned in the venting thread during a lecture part of what he said that I found annoying but insightful, how people – even when he was a young man – would jokingly call him a “dirty old man”.
 
@SCH0206 I was thinking that if he was going to mock me it wouldn’t be in a harsh, abrasive, way but in a benevolent way, like the equivalent of benevolent sexism or something. The only time I felt he really mocked me, was in an indirect way I mentioned in the venting thread with comments he made during a lecture about having negative views about sex as immature etc. Some of the private information I felt he really didn’t have to share with me, - it was still a little insightful – but other info did pertain to some points I brought up about deadbeat parents and he mentioned his nephew that even doesn’t know his own son’s name etc.
As I mentioned before, I touched on my relationship with my father etc.
 
I’m sure he had some thoughts on that, which would enhance the whole psychological trauma thing of “Oh, so someone hurt you that’s why you’re not willing to be in a sexual relationship. Well don’t x it out, give it a chance you’ll find the right one etc.” type, which I feel minimizes warning signs as well as generalizing people because personal experiences isn’t always the reason for why people are opposed to something.
 
@Biscotti I felt more uncomfortable and annoyed than angry, that came later as I directed it towards myself, and regret because I wasn’t as assertive that I felt I should’ve been. Also, with me not utilizing a kind of dictation because there were other things he said that I can’t remember. It might not be much to be annoyed with, but I couldn’t help but feel that way. I’ve told him more than once even before this lunch meeting that I don’t care for sex and don’t hold it high esteem, but he still tried to convince me. I've had similar thoughts about the silly comments he made during that lecture I mentioned on the venting thread while telling me personally that he thinks I'm intelligent, I must've hit a nerve or something for him to say something like that during a lecture. But with this meeting I think what really bothered me the most was his response to people who don’t have libidos as those who don’t know they have the capacity for it, like he’s saying that they’re naive or they haven’t “tapped” into their secret sexual powers or some shit. At least that’s how I interpreted it. All of what he said could be easily torn down, but idk I was being nice and gun shy. Thanks for the advice and I look forward to the vid.
 

Everyone, I couldn’t help but think about the entire encounter as whether it was a date that I’ve been tricked to go on or was it really having lunch with someone sharing information and ideas.

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Post by xenosimiana Mon May 15, 2017 11:02 pm

Also, on the last day of the class (well we had an extra week, but he gave us our finals early so we could focus on other classes) he invited me to have lunch with him again, I'm thinking, What are we going to talk about? Because I just wasn't in the mood to discuss sexuality, so I put it off saying I had something to take care of with my sister which worked out for me because my sister asked if I wanted to go to the mall with her. On other days I lied and said I needed to do some other stuff which gave me extra time to sit in on another Arabic class which I obviously found more interesting. Side note: Arabic is a beautiful language, difficult to learn though.

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Post by SCH0206 Mon May 15, 2017 11:05 pm

Another lunch? Sounds like he's using these "lunches" to flirt with you. Ick! How disgusting to be hit on by someone old enough to be your grandfather.

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Post by xenosimiana Mon May 15, 2017 11:06 pm

Yeah, forreal lol.

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Post by Guest Tue May 16, 2017 1:08 pm

Just imagine him being a clump of cells that wants to use your uterus to make copies of itself. Males operate much like viruses, injecting their DNA into the host because they lack a means of making copies by themselves. That's all there is to it, no more talking required. All this blabla about "love" and "romance" just because of the cognitive dissonance people feel because they don't want to admit that they're nothing but drugged slaves.

Misery seeks company, and he obviously wants to initiate you into his addiction to feel better about it. Stress creates sexual arousal (A safety mechanism that makes sure that even in dangerous situations, your cells might hop on to the next boat quickly and survive), so your rejection of his delusions might egg him on even more. Just ignore this person. Don't associate yourself with things you don't want to become.

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Post by xenosimiana Wed May 17, 2017 5:19 pm

Thanks, that's a very interesting and insightful way to look at it.

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Post by Aztec12 Wed May 17, 2017 5:53 pm

I also recommend not going near him. No point
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