The nature of sexuality?

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Post by Bobbb1 Sat May 07, 2016 8:54 am

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Post by Admin Sat May 07, 2016 10:19 am

Sexual attraction towards a person could change, or fade altogether, because a person, and the person that they're attracted to, can change over time. People don't experience sexual attraction towards anyone they grew up with due to the Westermarck Effect. It prevents being sexually attracted to anyone perceived as close kin.

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Post by Bobbb1 Sat May 07, 2016 3:27 pm

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Post by Bobbb1 Sat May 07, 2016 8:55 pm

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Post by Admin Sat May 07, 2016 9:20 pm

That's awful you went through that. Sad Did those thoughts happen spontaneously, or did anything trigger them? When trying to avoid them, you have to be careful.

I went into some detail about that in the second post of this thread: https://iamfortress.forumotion.com/t142-non-asexual-and-dealing-with-unwanted-sexuality

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Post by Biscotti Sat May 07, 2016 9:48 pm

That AVEN thread you linked had some things going for it. Things must have been different back in 2007 (9 years ago)
I like this line
"Your sexual orientation is a matter of preference. It's psychology, not biology"
And you're talking about asexuals becoming sexuals. You're looking at it backwards, that means sexuals can become asexuals. Which isn't really news, but I'm finding a large discrepency between definitions so I won't go into this.


If this relationship to this person is causing you such harm then you should maybe cut ties with him, at least for now. You seem to be insecure, but when I was young I probably had my moments too. When I entered middle school I cut ties with my female friends because I heard everywhere that "when you become a teenager, you start liking girls" and instead of putting faith in myself, I took their omnipresent word on it. You know at summer camp one time I told some kid I was never planning to get married, he said he didn't want to either but doubted both of our resolves. In fact he said his father tried not to fall into it but ended up doing so. I told him if we exchanged phone numbers I'd prove to him in 30 years I mean what I said. Of course I don't have that phone number anymore, nor ever used it but there's no need really. But you have to understand I didn't know what was going on, everybody else seemed sooo insistent on it, so I wasn't going to take any chances. So middle school led to the wonderful years of online game elitism. That was fun (Not being sarcastic here, it was a nice time).


So maybe you need to have a similar period. Become a shut-in level 99 completionist on some mmo (The smaller, the easier it is to be top playa, but it's also valuble to find one that will last). Not permanently but...you're still young. (Meaning you have time to try different things. I read some quote somewhere, it's truth is of course subjective but it basically said every human has several different 'lives' throughout their lifetime. To do different things in or something, i can't remember the full context.)


Oh right, regarding how you're feeling. You seem to be having self-contradictory behaviour, which I know about. Which behaviour do you believe is the real you though? The sexual or nonsexual. For me it was always obviously nonsexual as duh, and I believe that is also obvious to you (You being non-sexual.). You know, sometimes I would masturbate if only because afterward I'd return to feeling like myself. Like I had been locked away in a genie bottle inside my mind. It's not the ultimate solution but is better than wasting time/energy sometimes.
However since I cured myself I instead have in a sense, made peace with whatever sexuality I have. So that it's still there, but only vaguely. It's like the addictive pathways tingle but I don't do anything in response so it's just energy that goes nowhere. Does it change my perception? Only sometimes when I don't conciously correct it. I believe it's just a remnant of a longstanding addiction and will go away in time, where i acheive full monk status.
This is just my own intro-spection, your path is up to you.
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Post by Bobbb1 Sun May 08, 2016 9:14 pm

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Post by Bobbb1 Sun May 08, 2016 9:33 pm

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Post by Admin Sun May 08, 2016 9:42 pm

I don't have any first-hand experience with the kind of experiences you're going through, but I think a large part of this is related to your past religious experiences, since you were taught the idea that everyone has sex in heaven, and it has affected you for so long. Not all branches of Christianity agree with that though. You aren't a bad person for not wanting sex, and shouldn't think you have to have it in order to avoid Hell.

You have to be careful with how you avoid sexual things. The post I linked mentioned the "Don't think of the pink elephant" phenomenon, a thought experiment where someone is told not to think of a pink elephant, but their mind wanders and they usually think of it even when they tried not to.

You may want to focus on your strengths, and what you can do. You do have control, and the power to not cave in. Is there anything that you like to do that can keep your mind busy too?

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Post by Biscotti Sun May 08, 2016 10:06 pm

Think about this, say you hate a hat, maybe the hat says something like "Hitler was right". But for some reason you really want to put that hat on. I don't mean to be conspiracy theorist, but that sounds like mind control. There's probably a scientific reason behind it but the only way to know you're not being manipulated is by doing actions that are consistent with you're philosophy. And sexuality IS manipulative sometimes. 
But even if you want to put a Hitler hat on. Would you ever do it? No I don't think so. Feeling a certain way about something, does nothing to translate into real life actions, .
This ties into my distinction in another thread between emotions and "intelligent emotions".

Also don't identify with you're 'sexual fantasies' normal people don't even do that. They're just a means to sexual arousal, if people were psychoanalyzed through their sexuality, then I think everybody should be locked up. Sexuality is a disease.
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Post by Bobbb1 Sun May 08, 2016 10:47 pm

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Post by Bobbb1 Sun May 08, 2016 10:57 pm

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Post by Bobbb1 Mon May 09, 2016 11:42 am

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Post by Biscotti Mon May 09, 2016 1:10 pm

I already explained what I meant.

Also maybe you didn't understand what I was trying to say in an earlier post. If a community is toxic towards your health and you feel you can't handle it then you should cut ties with them and 'escape' into a hobby that complements yourself. Maybe eventually you'll be able to look back and discover what was wrong.
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Post by Bobbb1 Mon May 09, 2016 2:37 pm

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Post by Biscotti Mon May 09, 2016 4:13 pm

Instead of a set time period, "indefinite" is probably better. Meaning you'll decide for yourself. And I didn't say it had to do with him, I was saying the environment you were in (Chat-rooms) aren't helping you and that you should not only remove yourself from them, but find a productive environment for yourself. I suggested gaming because that can be a reasonable distraction for introverts.

Just because you find something sexually exciting does not mean that it lines up with your values or who you are, normal people don't even do that. If there's a shampoo bottle with a sexy person on it, do you think everybody attracted to that sexy person would buy it? No, because they might find that patronizing. Or how about pedohiles, do you think all pedophiles are child molesters? No to that, too. Maybe homosexuals who believe that homosexual sex is wrong. Do you think they throw away their whole religion because they're attracted to their own sex? Not at all.
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Post by ForeverPure Mon May 09, 2016 5:42 pm

You feel you are promiscuous because you have sexual thoughts? The mind explores many things, sometimes disturbing things, but none of which you come close to even considering seriously acting upon (unless you got a serious problem). Your brain is meant to experiment ideas, overtime as these ideas are exhausted, your brain will move on to something else and or grow out of a certain pattern of thinking.

If you are having impure thoughts about an individual, I wouldn't disclose that to them as that problem is yours alone and something that should remain in the confines of your head. If you are going through puberty, it is even more common to have such carnal thoughts, these thinking patterns were decided for you a long, long time ago. Unless you seriously believe you are losing control of your body, I would not worry yourself or others about this thinking.

In the case you are concerned about losing control of your body and potentially harming others, contact a medical professional, law enforcement or whatever agency is available for this issue. If this issue is making you feel depressed, you should contact your family doctor (or whatever other type of doctor) about it. In most cases, medication can relieve most of the debilitating symptoms of clinical depression.

Other than that, there isn't much else anyone here or elsewhere on the Internet can do for you concerning this issue.

Although I certainly wouldn't encourage you to engage in self-stimulation, such behaviour is extremely common among adolescents and in many cases is done simply to relieve the physical symptoms of hormones. If you do it now because you are in puberty, once this stage of development is over you will probably not experience as much physical desire to do so. Again, I definitely do not encourage you to engage in self-stimulation as such behaviour only encourages you to pursue it in the future as a way of coping with physical symptoms.
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Post by Bobbb1 Mon May 09, 2016 7:53 pm

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Post by Bobbb1 Mon May 09, 2016 10:31 pm

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Post by ForeverPure Tue May 10, 2016 8:28 am

†Sexuality Killer† wrote:lol, I could imagine which part of my text you read. I deleted it in case some other people would interpret it in the same way as you did omg lol. I actually feel a little disturbed how anyone can believe such things about me but I guess it's my own fault for the way how I wrote it. Did anyone else interpret it literally like ForeverPure? :s lol. But if you have seen movies, you should know what I meant. They act like that in movies when they become sexually excited. Anyways. I will try to think about all types of readers when i write. I know that people with aspergers take things very literally so I do have that in my mind sometimes but not always.

I think you'll find people that do not use emoticons typically act a little bit different than those that do, not really a sign of "aspergers". How am I supposed to know what you meant by that? Do you think I typically watch movies where people "jump" on other people? You stated you felt you were dangerous and I interpreted that as you feeling like you were losing control of your body, which by the way, is not a normal sensation, even for sexual people.

†Sexuality Killer† wrote:The thing about medication is not nice to say. Unless you are not knowledgable when it comes to drug industry. But if you are knowledgable and still gave me such tips then it maybe should not be a suprise since you are for euthanasia.. In such case you can take as many medication as you want if you want a short life but never give anyone else such tips.

Those "drugs" do not give you a shorter lifespan, unless you take them recreationally or in excessive dosages. I think you'll find the symptoms those medications target cause far more harm than the rare side-effects of those medications. And yes, I am aware some people have had negative responses to those medications, just like how I have a negative reaction to the flu shot, but I still encourage others to take it.

Sexuality Killer wrote:Self-stimulation sounds eww hehe. Why don't you people call it same thing as I do "sexual-activities"? 

Actually, the "m" word sounds far worse to me, that's why I use the term self-stimulation instead, and "sexual activities" sounds like intimate activity (involving others).
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Post by Bobbb1 Tue May 10, 2016 8:52 am

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Post by Bobbb1 Tue May 10, 2016 9:44 am

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Post by Admin Tue May 10, 2016 12:39 pm

Not a lot has discussed about asexuals who are no longer asexual, including if their attitudes towards sex had changed. You aren't weak for feeling the way that you do. It's difficult to deal with unwanted sexuality.

The closest I could find to a recent discussion is in this AVEN thread: http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/137861-asexuals-transitioned-to-sexuals/

One of the respondents said that their attitude towards sex had changed drastically, but it shouldn't be assumed anyone who is no longer asexual will have that change.

The way I see being antisexual and asexual is being sure you'd still be antisexual if you weren't asexual any longer.

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