What is a "friend"?

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What is a "friend"?

Post by x Nacht Klaue x on Wed Feb 03, 2016 11:08 pm

I don't know if it's a weird question.. maybe antisexuals have same view as sexual people on friendship & "friends" :P

Some questions..

1. Do you have friends in real life?
2. What do you think of online-friendship?

Would you like to have friends? If yes, why? If no, why not?

I have not had a friend in real life since I was 13 years old.

I will write very short what I think about friendship and friends..

I don't believe in friendship between males and females. I've never had a asexual antisexual chat-friend so I have no idea if it works to have a male asexual antisexual chat-friend. I guess it all depends on the individual.

Maybe it would work (that they don't get unwanted sexual thoughts..) if they are aromantic asexual transgender, if a guy feel he is a female or a woman feel she is a male.. I don't know..

Anyways.. I will write shortly because I really need to peepeleepeeeee (someone is in the bathroom right now).

I'm not interested to have friends in real life for different reasons (except slaves, but it's difficult to find such people).

But I'm okay with chat-friends.. as long as they are not selfish people and they have right intention (that they really want to chat with me and not because they do it cuz they don't have anyone else to talk to or for any other reasons..).

The bathroom is vacant now, finally!

Edit: Ok, now I'm back again. I saw that I forgot to mention what I think of friendship. I believe in friendship. One can have like 10 friends but maybe only 1-2 would be their true friends. Not all people are true friends.

Friendship = You take and give.

Friends that are not true friends = They feel happiness when you fail. They are only with you because you are rich or because you are pretty and popular, etc. They are the ones who would leave you if you lost you money, or lost your body parts in accident or got any illness such as cancer. You would see them leave you one by one. They're selfish and their feelings comes always first. There are different ways to recognize them, but usually people don't know which friends are their true friends. Fake friends can be very nice people but inside they are not what they seem to be. However, I don't believe anyone is born to be someones fake friend. There are probably something behind it, maybe they didn't have a good family-relationship when they were kids, it could be anything. But people should choose their friends wisely.

I'm not a expert or anything, this is just my own thoughts on friendships and friends. So no offense..


Last edited by †Sexuality Killer† on Wed Mar 09, 2016 8:57 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Re: What is a "friend"?

Post by SCH0206 on Thu Feb 04, 2016 12:18 am

In my view, a friend is someone who is kind, trustworthy, and accepts you for who you are. I have a friend in a different state. We see each other every year close to Christmas, and we keep in touch via email. She's the only friend I have, but that's okay since I don't need a thousand friends to be happy, and I keep to myself most of the time.

Having online friends, in my opinion, is easier to share thoughts and ideas with since there isn't any eye contact, and the users can remain anonymous. That's why I like sites like this because I can discuss unpopular views with those with similar interests. It's more simple to search for those with aligned views on the Web than offline.

Was it really necessary to describe your bathroom activities? scratch

Anyway, since I'm a semi-hermit, I'm not big on having many relationships. But, one true friend is better to me than several so-called friends.

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Re: What is a "friend"?

Post by ForeverPure on Thu Feb 04, 2016 8:24 pm

1. No, not for many years.
2. Friendship is the non-sexual version of companionship. I do not see friendship as a healthy relationship. Comradeship is the only health relationship.

In a friendship, you see each other to "hang out".
In a comradeship, you see each other to get work done and then depart until more work is needed that requires either party.

Although for the most part, friendships are relatively harmless, they can lead to favouritism and often are draining on those who are more introverted.
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Re: What is a "friend"?

Post by Biscotti on Thu Feb 04, 2016 8:42 pm

@foreverpure
Sounds like Penn and Teller
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Re: What is a "friend"?

Post by SCH0206 on Thu Feb 04, 2016 8:53 pm

It's seems like we're quite an introverted bunch here. So far, there is no one in this thread that prefers having several friends. (Not that there's anything wrong with that. It's just not for me.) Perhaps there's a link between antisexualism and introversion? An interesting theory to cogitate.

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Re: What is a "friend"?

Post by Admin on Thu Feb 04, 2016 9:15 pm

A confound is that introverted people are more drawn to communicating on forums than in-person. Extroverts feel recharged interacting with people in person, while introverts feel like it can be mentally exhausting, no matter how much they want to be around the other person. I'm introverted too. I have some friends in-person, but sadly many of them moved away, or lost contact with them when going from one school to another, or after graduating, or work would leave me too drained to think about seeing others.

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Re: What is a "friend"?

Post by error on Thu Feb 04, 2016 11:21 pm

1. I have acquaintances but no one I consider a friend. I don't 'hang out' with anyone unless it's through some rare (like once a year) get together with people I've known since I was very young.

2. They're ok, I guess, not really ideal though.

I do believe in friendship but I think the type that would suit me is extremely uncommon.

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Re: What is a "friend"?

Post by x Nacht Klaue x on Fri Feb 05, 2016 4:41 pm



Last edited by ☆x Pure Life x☆ on Fri Feb 05, 2016 4:48 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Re: What is a "friend"?

Post by SCH0206 on Fri Feb 05, 2016 4:43 pm

Well said, Pure Life.

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Re: What is a "friend"?

Post by Admin on Fri Feb 05, 2016 9:52 pm

Well said! I've dealt with so-called "fair weather friends" before, which is what is being described. They're people who will appear to be a friend when it's convenient for them, but will leave a friend in their time of need, or when the "friendship" is no longer convenient. One of the easiest ways to spot them is if they say they won't be your friend anymore if you don't do what they want.

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Re: What is a "friend"?

Post by error on Fri Feb 12, 2016 11:06 pm

Do you guys think that attracting these fake people is also partly our fault? I've noticed that when I was going through a hard time in my life and felt like I had lost my sense of self, I had trouble saying no to people and was pretty passive in general. That was the time when people would try to take advantage of me. Sometimes it's not a conscious thing on their part. That is to say, maybe they're not being so purposely malicious... not in a way where they seek these opportunities, but it's like something unspoken. You give off a certain vibe and they feel it, so you're basically sending them the "I will do favors for you" message. I've even had this happen with people who I knew didn't mean any harm. All I had to do was say no and show them I'm not easily swayed.

It applies to romantic relationships as well. It makes sense that people who are very independent and confident in themselves attract not only other confident people, but also those who feel they need to be guided, for example. Kinda relates to attachment theory.

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Re: What is a "friend"?

Post by SCH0206 on Fri Feb 12, 2016 11:13 pm

@error wrote:Do you guys think that attracting these fake people is also partly our fault? I've noticed that when I was going through a hard time in my life and felt like I had lost my sense of self, I had trouble saying no to people and was pretty passive in general. That was the time when people would try to take advantage of me. Sometimes it's not a conscious thing on their part. That is to say, maybe they're not being so purposely malicious... not in a way where they seek these opportunities, but it's like something unspoken. You give off a certain vibe and they feel it, so you're basically sending them the "I will do favors for you" message. I've even had this happen with people who I knew didn't mean any harm. All I had to do was say no and show them I'm not easily swayed.

It applies to romantic relationships as well. It makes sense that people who are very independent and confident in themselves attract not only other confident people, but also those who feel they need to be guided, for example. Kinda relates to attachment theory.


To answer your question: I would say yes and no. Yes, because we have the power to be assertive, and no since passive people are partly that way because they were raised in punitive households. I'm one of them. I was raised to not express anger or disagreement, or else, but my mother could since she's the mom. That made me an easy target for bullies and phony allies.

Now that I'm no longer living with her, it's getting easier for me to be assertive. Sometimes I do fear backlash for saying "no", but I know that appeasing those who take advantage of me helps them at my expense.

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Re: What is a "friend"?

Post by Admin on Fri Feb 12, 2016 11:19 pm

I see what you mean how we might give off a vibe of being more willing to do things for others, and that can easily happen to someone who struggles to stand up for themselves or is passive the most. It's good that saying no to some people prevented that dynamic from happening to you.

Maybe I've had that happen unintentionally before, but the most clear-cut example I remember was intentional on the other person's part; a long time ago, I had a fair-weather friend who constantly wanted me to do favors for them and give them money. I only put up with it for as long as I did, because when I said no, they said that we weren't friends anymore. They were the only friend I was still in contact with at the time, since others moved away or I just didn't see them anymore after the school year ended.

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Re: What is a "friend"?

Post by error on Fri Feb 12, 2016 11:29 pm

I agree, it has to do with upbringing and temperament as well. Sometimes it goes way deep and it's difficult to unlearn (I speak from experience, unfortunately). But still very possible. It's can be a pretty thin line, being passive for so long may eventually build up so much anger that someone who wants to be more assertive might end up being aggressive instead, opposite end of the scale. Striking a balance is hard. I blow a fuse every now and then as a consequence for ignoring my own needs and putting up with other people's crap.  Neutral

As for your "friend" Admin, that's definitely clear-cut.  Some people seriously think they're entitled to stuff like that in exchange for their wonderful friendship.

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Re: What is a "friend"?

Post by x Nacht Klaue x on Mon Feb 22, 2016 2:33 am

85 year old best friends

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Re: What is a "friend"?

Post by x Nacht Klaue x on Mon Feb 22, 2016 2:37 am

Wow, amazing! They've been friends for 94 years!

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Re: What is a "friend"?

Post by xenosimiana on Tue Nov 29, 2016 2:08 am

Well I'm introverted and a bit cynical so I don't have many friends. My twin sister for the most part is my friend, but with the few friends that I do have I try my best to not be fake though sometimes I worry about behaving that way towards them. I do find it a bit more convenient to communicate online than in person, especially in our case, but strangely I don't really like talking on the phone and prefer face to face.

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Re: What is a "friend"?

Post by AzureSky on Mon Nov 06, 2017 10:19 am

Most of the people that I meet in real life I consider aquaintances, though I have one or two I consider my friends. I don't like tossing the word around, as I think it's something to be reserved for people you know better/are closer to.

I think online friendship is fine, and can lead to finding people of a certain mind who you might not have otherwise met. Honestly, if I didn't have some online aquaintances, I would probably never meet similarly thinking people. However, I am hesitant to call them online friendships most of the time, only because with the anonymity of the internet, it is hard to really know someone. I think in a lot of ways it is very similar to having a pen pal.

Personally, while one or two good friends can be nice, I prefer to be by myself most of the time, and I don't really think I'd want a larger friend group. I tend to be on the introverted side, and so I often prefer studying on my own to being with friends.
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Re: What is a "friend"?

Post by Biscotti on Tue Nov 07, 2017 3:05 pm

Yeah, that echoes my thoughts as well.

It's much easier to find people you have in common with online (I FEEL. But I haven't really tried to develop methodology for finding people irl, maybe I should)

But also, having people irl who you can hang out with is a lot more comfortable because you can hang out with them, and build alliances on things.
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Re: What is a "friend"?

Post by x Nacht Klaue x on Fri Feb 16, 2018 7:03 pm

I actually would like to have IRL friends but only friends who are female vegans and not in a sexual relationship, these are the 3 most importants requirements. But they seem to not exist here lol

And besides that I would like to turn on and off the friendship. But that's not possible. Unfortunately I'm an introvert and not an ambivert as I first thought I was. I easly get exhausted by peope and I am often in need of space which I can't even really have in this madhouse except during the night.

Mostly, I really just want to have slaves. Friendship is only okay when it's not toxic. It becomes toxic when there is lack of an open mind, understanding, respect, trust and patience.

If a friend is close-minded, not understanding, not respecting, not trusting and is impatient there is a chance that the friendship will end up being toxic and exhausting.

How wonderful had it not been if you had an same gender, vegan, antisexual, smart nerd as slave, each time you got problem with your computer or cell phone you would just call them and they would come to fix it for you for free.

And other slaves who could clean the house for free.

I really need slaves in my life :(

Edit: When some people think "slave" they have probably negative thoughts about it. It's only bad if the slaves don't want to be slaves. I don't mean those kinds of slaves like in the old times. I mean like volunteering, you help people without getting paid, that's to me being a slave. The term "slave" seem like a tabu or something. It's not about being lazy and using others, like some do with their friends and family members, without them wanting to be their slaves.

I meant those slaves who likes to help others for free wether people call it volunteer, caring, slave or whatever. But it seems like such people are few or maybe don't even exist.. (especially not those with my requirements). Most people probably want to get paid if they are slave to one person.. Unless if they have caretaking fetish or computer fetish, etc.. Then they would maybe want to help for free..

Housing support is not the same, it's a job. Slave however, you can be comrades..
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Re: What is a "friend"?

Post by Nachtleuchten on Sun Feb 25, 2018 6:23 am

Laughing I think a slight modification of your search parameters would do wonders. Especially don't go about telling your future friends about your concept of slavery  Very Happy

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